Ask Tricia

The weekly excerpts from the 'Soul Revival' column in Famous magazine

Please consider the following criteria when you submit your question
Keep it short and to the point (approximately 50 words) No crystal ball gazing! I will 'tune-in' and offer guidance but won’t do predictive readings. We post questions that concern everyday issues about relationships, career and personal growth – nothing too esoteric. Real names will be withheld to protect everyone’s privacy BUT please submit your real name so I can get an accurate read on you! You can either choose your own code name (like Damsel in Distress) or I will assign you one.

If your question is chosen, I will email you a response so please include your email address. Unfortunately I am unable to answer everyone’s questions. Please don’t be offended or take it personally if you don’t receive a response. Someone may have already submitted a question similar to yours, so keep checking in case the answer is posted.

(Answers available to highlighted questions. More answers coming soon)

Career

Boardroom blues
I seem to find one or two people very difficult to deal with in every job I move into. I’d like to change this pattern, but I can’t because I don’t understand what causes the issue in the first place. – Ragged and Restless

Dear Ragged and Restless
It is time for you to start setting your boundaries not by brute force but by seeing yourself as valuable and important. You have been sinking into the sand to avoid conflict and suffocating your creativity. See the workplace as a playground and not a battlefield where you are vying to gain power. Take charge of the space not by fighting back but by focusing on what you want to create. Rather than watching your back, be clear on your goals and focus on your target. Before you know it, bullseye! See it, then believe it.

Leap of faith
After many years in a sales and marketing position, I want to make a career change. My lifestyle depends on a six-figure salary but what I want to do is not enough to live off. How do I make the leap? – Higher Roller

Dear Higher Roller
Life’s not about compromising; it’s about being a shrewd negotiator and valuing your assets. You set the price on the net worth of your contribution in any area whether it’s traditionally commercial or not. Make a list of the components of your perfect job, including what you want to experience and which of your talents you want to express. Then put on your marketing hat and market yourself! Think of ways to cash in on your dreams. Stay open and ignore your doubts.

Think big
I would like to know about the future of my business. Will it bring me success? Will I end up writing books and creating successful products under my business name? Will it sustain me full-time? – Direction seeker

Dear Direction seeker
You chart the course of your life and navigate the terrain. In business it’s essential to have confidence or your clients and allies will pick up on your uncertainties and shy away. You have no problem coming up with great ideas. In fact, I sense you are somewhat of a visionary. You just don’t fully see yourself in the picture. Own your creation. Love your business and love yourself as the talented person at the heart of it. Think big, plan big and see yourself being a big success.

Big chance
I am working on a very important project that I am extremely dedicated to. However, I worry I don’t have what it takes to make it a success. How can I overcome this? – Dubious Devotee

Dear Dubious Devotee
The golden rule to being fully empowered is to know there is nothing missing in you. You undeniably have what it takes, you just need to look deeper within yourself to find it. Watch your inner critic and the wretched voice of doubt. Build your esteem from the inside out rather than seeking approval from others. Start visualising yourself as a capable, confident person who has what it takes to succeed and hold an image of being a winner in the back of your mind’s eye. Rather than using your past as a reference for what is possible, look towards your optimal future self for inspiration and direction. Develop your strengths as you progress and be generous with yourself. You are more than good enough!

Day to day relationships

Sneaky situation
I don’t feel good about myself because I manipulate people to get what I want. I have also been underhanded, doing things on the sly rather than being honest. I know its wrong, but I don’t seem to be able to change. What do I do? – True Confessor

Dear True Confessor
It’s time for you to have an overhaul and mend your fractured self-image. Living with guilt will overshadow your heart. If you don’t love yourself enough to change for you then think about everyone else in your life and change for them. You are draining the life out of your relationships. Start contributing to them, rather than contaminating them.

Make a stand
My girlfriend has grown tremendously in the past five years, both personally and professionally, but she’s becoming more demanding and critical by the day. I feel drained and I’m beginning to withdraw. How can I help her without going under? – Worn out

Dear Worn out
Your girlfriend needs to dump her baggage at the front door at the end of the day. Talk to her about the impact her behaviour has on your feelings. We reap what we sow and she is planting toxic seeds that are corroding your trust. Withdrawing to avoid conflict will only immobilise your heart. Set some ground rules. Tell your partner you want to feel closer to her and then make arrangements that allow both of you to propagate seeds of love. Before you know it, your relationship will blossom.

Clear heart
My friends hate my ex-boyfriend. I still miss and him and want to talk with him occasionally, although I wouldn’t get back together with him. Should I listen to my friends or my heart? – Torn

Dear Torn
The most important issue here is that you’re at peace. You find that within you, not through someone else. Although your friends may be sympathetic, you’re the caretaker of your heart. No matter what happened with your ex, you need to review the past, extract the wisdom and move on. Otherwise you risk having a rerun with someone else.

Relationship you have with yourself

Going nowhere
I feel my life keeps going around in circles. I want to move forward but struggle to have faith in myself. I don’t know exactly what it is I want to do. – Tail Chaser

Dear Tail Chaser
Acknowledge you’re unique and stop comparing yourself with others. My radar tells me you avoid standing out, yet that’s what you really crave. Do something that inspires you and you will automatically inspire everyone else. Look deeper within yourself to find your talents, then polish them by honing your skills. Make goals and stick to them so you break the negative cycle.

Running on empty
I feel as though I am at the crossroads of my life. I run a successful business as a personal trainer and have a great personal life, so why do I feel incomplete? Is there a greater purpose for me? – Soul Seeker

Dear Soul Seeker
Your intuition is your most reliable compass to point you towards fulfilling your ultimate destiny. Get in touch with your feelings and be honest with yourself about who you want to be. Then give yourself permission to shine and not hide behind others. You have a fear of being left behind and so you often compromise your personal choices in order to feel needed and belong. We can choose to walk the path of mediocrity or aspire to greatness, depending on how generously we view ourselves. It is time for you to gain a deeper appreciation of your soul. This path will bring you the greatest joy, because you will have more to share with others.

Can’t work it out
I find it really difficult to balance my job and my life. I’m a senior executive and work can take up all my time if I let it. Family is important to me, as are my friends and my interests. I need advice on how to stop letting my career always take first place in my life. – Out of Kilter

Dear Out of Kilter
It’s time to shuffle the deck on your priorities so hearts are trumps! For things to flow in your life more gracefully you need to trust your external and internal resources. Recognise that you deserve to be loved and supported and allow others to do just that. Open yourself up to kicking back. Firmly set your intention to work fewer hours and produce even greater results and then watch for clues on how to implement positive changes. The universe will offer you the means to succeed at anything as long as you surrender your doubts!

Sweet dreams
I am an active dreamer, which interrupts me from getting a good night’s sleep. This has been happening for as long as I can remember, and I usually remember at least three dreams per night. Can I do anything about this? – Night Owl

Dear Night Owl
It sounds like you need to renegotiate your terms with Mr Sandman! However, you will be happy to know strong dream recall indicates you have heightened perspective abilities. Your subconscious is busy correlating, calculating and creating all sorts of wonderful possibilities during your sleep and processing data from your daily life. You can’t turn the dream machine off, but you can change the channel. Start programming for heavenly adventures and sweet encounters rather than watching intense drama. Write in your journal daily to resolve and release emotional issues this will clear your head and allow you to focus on solutions rather than problems.

Life in limbo
My life is good – great job, great friends – but I feel I need something to help me go to the next level. Any ideas? I feel like I’m in limbo. – Stuck in a Rut

Dear Stuck in a Rut
You no longer have a skip in your step because you’re uninspired. Take a look at your dreams and if they don’t warm your heart, that’s where to start. Then escalate your expectations and take action. So sit at the drawing board and ask yourself what you would really love to do if you could have anything or be anyone – that will give you a clue.

Be yourself
I always get compared to one of my friends, especially by guys and I always seem to come second best. All the guys I like seem to be really attracted to her, which I don’t understand because she can be quite mean. What can I do? – Second Best

Dear Second Best
Self-confidence is a powerful magnet. That’s your friend’s secret. Start seeing what’s right about you and not what’s wrong. Before you know it, you’ll stand out in a crowd. Treating men mean to keep them keen blocks intimacy and keeps lovers at a cool distance. Warmth, charm and openness send out silent invitations for men to fall into your open arms.

Enjoy every moment
I seem to have lost direction. I used to know exactly what I wanted to do with my life, but now I can’t seem to work it out. Do you have any advice? – Lost

Dear Lost
The only thing you have lost is your confidence. Fear and self-doubt have obscured your dreams and doused your passion. Stop looking outside yourself for the answers or for someone to rescue you. Go back to your heart where your dreams were originally born. Rewrite the script in your life by redefining your character and then tap into your inner resources to attract abundance in the world.

Romantic Relationships

Love yourself
Why do I always go for guys who are unattainable or make me miserable? Why can I never seem to be happy or attracted to the guys who love me for who I am? – Jaded and Jinxed

Dear Jaded and Jinxed
You need to bolster your self-worth. Subconsciously, you believe you aren’t good enough to have what you want and are left feeling short-changed. You send out a silent signal I am never satisfied, which is what you experience. Although it is tempting to blame your matches for your misery, you are wise to accept responsibility for loving yourself. That is the fastest way to amplify your powers of attraction and create a mutually amicable connection.

Believe it or not
I keep catching my boyfriend telling little white lies. I love him deeply, but I think he has a problem. I can’t seem to believe anything he says to me anymore. It’s now affecting every aspect of our relationship. Can it ever work long term without trust? – Suspicious

Dear Suspicious
Your boyfriend is a man who is scrambling to stand on solid ground because he doesn’t trust himself. His self-esteem has corroded along with his integrity. He needs to build his strength and courage and mend the damage through authentic communication. Insist on honesty or he’s out! If he pledges to love, nurture and protect the partnership and shows consistent positive changes in his behaviour, you have a chance. You both need to build security in the partnership by developing a deeper level of intimacy. That means knowing each other – inside out. Are you both ready for that?

Perfect stranger
Why do I always date guys I think I can change? I meet him, like him, but still want to change him – whether it’s his dress sense, his aftershave or his friends. Whenever a guy gets a whiff of this, he promptly dumps me. Help! – Little Miss Fix-It

Dear Little Miss Fix-It
I think it is time for you to transform yourself rather than your boyfriends. Strive to inspire rather than control. Fixating on your man’s flaws will alienate him fast and in the process you avoid what you fear most – intimacy. You build little obstacles between you and your lover’s heart and this is all a cover-up to keep you safe. Liking them isn’t enough. You need to start loving them. That means allowing them to be who they choose to be and acknowledging their attributes. Wanting to turn a macho man into a metrosexual may satisfy your creative whims, but do you really believe it will satisfy your craving for substance??

Out of tune?
I’ve been with my husband for seven years. Should we have gotten married?? I feel we’re not on the same wavelength. I don’t know if this is temporary or if it was always my gut feeling. – Dazed and Confused

Dear Dazed and Confused
Ouch! Sitting on the fence procrastinating can torture your soul. There is no such thing as a right or wrong decision. We can learn and grow from every experience. Somewhere along the line you set the dial on cruise control. That was your mistake – not marrying your husband. Two people either grow together in a relationship or they grow apart. Have a good heart to heart with your hubby. Tell him you are ready for a change, and invite him to partner you in a new dance. Unless your priorities eventually line up, it’s time to move on?

Three’s a crowd
I’m juggling a new relationship with a girl and a boyfriend I’ve had since high school. I’m not really sure about the girlfriend or the boyfriend at this stage, but I don’t want to hurt their feelings. – Dual Lover

Dear Dual Lover
Its time for you to take off the party mask and have a good look at who is underneath. How do you really feel about yourself while you keep up this masquerade? Being deceptive will leave you feeling guilty and shallow and in the end that leads to self-contempt. If you respect your lovers at all, you will be honest with them and declare your intentions. If you just want to have fun, tell them. There is nothing wrong with being a free sprit, you just need be responsible regarding the impact your behaviour has on others.

Plenty of fish in the sea
I have been seeing this wonderful guy over the summer. He recently decided to get back with his ex-girlfriend. When I go on dates with other guys I am miserable. I will never meet anyone as fabulous as him. Am I going to be single forever? – Hooked Heart

Dear Hooked Heart
Relationships are like the seasons they continue to change. You need to learn to adapt and protect yourself if the chill factor gets too low. If you want to be with someone who keeps your heart warm you need to stay open to being loved. He is not the only man out of six billion people who can satisfy your wish list. Look at your summer romance as a kick-start so get out there and keep up the momentum with someone else.

Family

Parent trap
I’ve just spent my holidays with my parents. I could see shades of myself in my mother and it worried me. We are similar in many ways but is it inevitable that I will turn out like her?? – Daunted Daughter

Dear Daunted Daughter
You always have room to sprout new growth. Our parents are valuable teachers for us spiritually because as kids we see them as gods. We look to them to show us what works and what doesn’t when it comes to navigating our way through life. Learn by observing your mother’s mistakes and own the negative beliefs and behavioural patterns you have adopted from them – then change them. You’re not a product of your past, you have the power to choose who you want to be.

Pressure to conform
I’m doing well at university and have clear goals, but my family want me to live up to their expectations rather than follow my dreams. I know they love me but their distrusting comments about my choices deplete my confidence. What shall I do?? – Weighed Down

Dear Weighed Down
If people give you advice based on a narrow-minded point of view, look to a higher source for guidance. Let everyone else’s opinion fade unless they are an expert working in your chosen field or a winner in life. Be creative and committed, and link the magical child part of you with the responsible adult and follow your dreams until you soar to great heights.